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My boyfriend keeps letters from previous relationships

How does my boyfriend keep letters from their ex-girlfriends?

My boyfriend stated that the envelop from their ex was at storage space and it again that he read. But later on I’d an atmosphere he didn’t toss it away and I also ended up being appropriate he kept it. This hits me personally as strange because he’s got discarded all the letters and cards i’ve ever provided him. He stated he’s no good explanation to help keep them, and that he does not keep letters and cards from individuals. Therefore, how come he keep letters from their ex girlfriends? Not merely one but from 2 Buddhist dating app girls that are different.

Then how come the letters didn’t make it in the trash, if it really didn’t really mean anything if he says that things like this don’t matter? Rather it had been set aside carefully, it has additionally occurred with images from their ex girlfriends, and I also simply learned that the envelop has an image of their ex.

I am aware if individuals wish to keep photos but letters?, even though its disrespectful for me, but during the exact same time We feel just like if somebody needs to keep photos or letters from ex-girlfriends they nevertheless are hanging on to one thing.

We don’t know very well what the letters mean to him precisely. He constantly informs me we don’t trust him, but he keeps things such as this from me personally. Trust and honesty goes both means. We don’t keep things from him.

I’ve been thinking about means about how to confront him about it. We’ve been dating for nearly three years, i recently had an atmosphere he didn’t throw the envelop away that day.

Reaction:

Individuals keep letters and photos for a number of reasons. But, mostly because individuals keep such mementos simply because they recreate memories that are unique special emotions (realise why does partner speak to an ex).

And maintaining letters or photos of an ex does not mean that is necessary the man you’re dating really loves you any less. It might simply suggest which he likes the memory of how he felt during those times.

And simply since you are someone that is dating maybe perhaps perhaps not imply that that individual needs to stop trying all of these memories of history. Asking anyone to provide up their keepsakes to be able to show you respect isn’t being extremely respectful.

Therefore, our most useful advice is not to ever “confront” the man you’re dating in regards to the situation. Contemplating a discussion as being a conflict frequently turns it right into a conflict. An easy method to give some thought to this nagging problem is to see it as a discussion—a conversation where your aim would be to realize his viewpoint without wanting to judge him or alter their behavior (see talk about issues).

If you attempt to comprehend why those previous memories are incredibly unique to him, without reacting in a fashion that makes him feel ashamed or afraid of your effect, you could find that focusing on how he feels will enable you to get closer together. Everything you hear may harm your emotions or make one feel insufficient in someways, you can’t alter their previous memories. And if you attempt to comprehend exactly how he seems in regards to the situation, he will probably attempt to look at situation from your viewpoint. Such a real sharing of emotions can help produce greater closeness and understanding, if you’re able to figure out how to maintain your anxiety and worries from being released in hostile and/or manner that is defensive.

And quite often relationships work most useful when partners feel close and safe, but additionally allow one another to own a sense of their identification. Relationships often don’t work when individuals feel threatened and attempt to get a grip on components of their partner’s behavior, aspects which folks are entitled to—such as memories of these previous and keepsakes which are very important in their mind.

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